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How to Detect Fake News
"The London Times reported that the hereditary king of Hawaii moved to Altoona, Iowa for tax purposes." So began an article on Facebook by Hush Magazine’s Sid Hudgens, who interviewed the Hawaiian monarch and was told the King may move again to Russia depending on the outcome of the 2020 election. Wrote Hudgens: "The King said, “Is good place, Russia. No new taxes.” “Could this be fake news?” asked my granddaughter, Margo. A seventh-grader assigned to find an interesting news story for homework,.Margo had been cautioned by her teacher to avoid fake news. Should this story prove to be fake, she had two possible substitutes, she said. Convinced it was fake, I nevertheless answered “Possibly it is,” in order to school Margo in critical thinking. “What we need to know,” I told her, “is whether 1) there is such a thing as a hereditary king of Hawaii, and 2) if so, why would he—or anyone for that matter—move from Paradise to Altoona, Iowa—let alone to the frozen tundra of Russia—just to lower his taxes?” With that, we googled “heredity king of Hawaii.” My mind boggled at a 2009 article by Honolulu Magazine that declared:
With so many kings to choose from, what next? Margo wondered. I suggested we google “king of Hawaii in Altoona, Iowa.” Incredibly, this led to an article by Hildegard Johnson of The Morning Post headlined: “Evangelical Christian Gun Show Attracts Celebrities and Royalty.” We read:
“Was Ed Ahahi on Honolulu Magazine’s list?” I asked Margo. She clicked back to the magazine article and scrolled. “There’s a King James Ahihi, direct descendent of Queen Kamalamalama!” she said. “Look—here's his picture in uniform. He looks really old.” “This was 2009?” “Uh-huh! So James probably died and Ed must be his son.” “Could be. Go back to the Altoona article and see what it says about Ed.” The Altoona article yielded only the following:
“Wow!” I said. “What’s that mean?” “Just . . . Wow! . . . Do a search for ‘King Ed Ahihi.’” Margo found this snippet by syndicated gossip columnist J.J. Hunsecker:
“How insensitive!” Margo said. “Who?” “King Ed—who else?” Her eyes popped. “Oh my God! Look!” Trending on Yahoo was a story by Ed Hutcheson of The Day with the headline: “King of Hawaii Denies Calling All Mexicans ‘Dicks’.” Dumbfounded, we read silently:
Margo gasped: “Oh . . . my . . . God! That is so goes beyond insensitive!” “Mmm , beyond a lot of things,” I said. “Maybe we should look at your second news story.” Margo clicked a Facebook link on Favorites that led to the headline “Likely New Attorney General Declares Trump Rules by Divine Right.” The story was by P.J. McNeal of the Chicago Times. “Why did you pick this?” I asked Margo. “It seemed interesting that Donald Trump is gay.” “Gay?” “Divine rights.” “Margo, there’s a big difference between divine right and gay rights. Divine right means empowerment by God. Did you even read the story?” “Uh, well . . . Donald being gay seemed like it might be fake.” I read aloud:
“Something the matter?” Margo asked after I paused. “Not black lives, probably, for Larry Limey.” Actually, I had paused with the thought that this story, rather than being fake, was the new real—news that makes a 68-year-old like me glad he won’t be alive much longer. I continued reading:
“This story sounds plausibly real,” I said. “But boring,” Margo said. “Yes, well, teachers like it when you think things are interesting that are boring. Anyway, we’ll probably know about the legitimacy of this story if Larry Limey proves to be real. Why don’t you google Limey while I look over our printouts of all the stories. There’s one detail I want to check.“ Later, Margo said, “All I can find is this: “Demonstrators Protest College Football Star Receiving Probation for Sexual Assault.” “Who’s it by?” “Huntley Haverstock of The Globe.” “Read it.” She read aloud:
“Philpot again! No! No! No!” I said. “Grandpa, don’t be insensitive!” “Margo, Fiona Philpot doesn’t exist. It’s all fake!” “How do you know?” “Capella University is an online university. It doesn’t have senior balls. It doesn’t have a football team. It doesn’t even have a campus.” “But Grandpa, what about the other Larry Limey story?” “Unfortunately, every article we’ve read is fake except for the one in Honolulu Magazine.” “Everything?” “It occurred to me that all the names of the reporters and their publications were taken from movies. Danny DeVito played Sid Hudgens of Hush Magazine in ‘L.A. Confidential,’ Rosalind Russell played Hildegard Johnson of The Morning Post in ‘His Girl Friday,’ Bert Lancaster played gossip columnist J.J. Hunsecker in the ‘Sweet Smell of Success,’ Humphrey Bogart played Ed Hutcheson of The Day in ‘Deadline U.S.A,’ Jimmy Stewart played P.J. McNeal of the Chicago Times in ‘Call Northside 777,’ Joel McCrea played Huntley Haverstock of The Globe in “Foreign Correspondent.” Margo looked amazed. “Mom said you knew a lot about movies, but she didn’t think that would ever be useful.” “Thank you, I guess.” Margo frowned. “Why would anybody make this stuff up?” ”Oh, usually it is to make one group of people hate another group by stereotyping them. Why all the hate? Experts give many reasons for the thinking behind hate, but my guess is it has nothing to do with thinking. I once read about a study where microbes swam freely in a Petri dish when they had plenty of room. Once they became overcrowded, they formed groups that would attack other microbes not in the group.” Margo’s expression brightened. “Germs are microbes, aren’t they? Yeah, because that’s what Dr. Oz called her—a microbiologist!” “Who?” “This woman on ‘The Dr. Oz Show.’ She couldn’t be a fake microbiologist, could she?” “Pretty sure Dr. Oz screens his guests. Not to mention, who would claim to be a microbiologist who wasn’t?” “That’s my third story, Grandpa! I recorded the show!” “Show about what?” “This microbiologist listed the eight filthiest places in a movie theater. Did you know that a seat’s cup holder has three times the germs of a toilet bowl?” “That’s news to me, Margo!”
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